Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
