wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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