The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
