The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
