You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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