im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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