I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
