i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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