remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
