that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
