Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
