we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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