My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I FOUND THE LEGS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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