I CAN MOONWALK!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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