so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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