she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
