8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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