I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
