My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
