i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
