i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
