i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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