i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
