There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
