I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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