You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
