piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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