So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
