did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
