Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
