totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
