Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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