i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
