Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
