Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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