I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are we still banned from the library?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
