Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
