just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
