You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
