He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
