Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize