youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
