The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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