Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize