I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
