JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
