This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
