You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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