i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
