If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
