I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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