You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just pee around me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
