just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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