I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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