I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
