first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
