We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
