Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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