wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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