Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
