oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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