I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
