That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
