last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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