I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
