It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
