did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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