I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
