I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
