no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
