I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We're too hungover to prance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
