my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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