she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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