Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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