I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
