Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The air was thick with penises
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
