I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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