STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
