And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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