hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
