oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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