and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
