Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
