Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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