like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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