one might say we're banned from that church
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
